Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
