I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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