I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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