you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
