Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
