Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
