I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
