She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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