I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
