Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
