I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
