Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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