I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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