I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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