I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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