Please, let me fuck your mom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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