I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
50% drunk capacity currently
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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