maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
