Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
