Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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