dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
