They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize