I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
