This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
