I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The air was thick with penises
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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