Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
