Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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