does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
