I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
