On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize