I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
