Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
porn star boner night. come get it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize