I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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