I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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