I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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