hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
