Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
