How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
