you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
