Im at strip club and am horny
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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