Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
