Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize