Sponge bath it is.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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