I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
