You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
