Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
