everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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