You smell like stripper and shame
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
