I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
