Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
