My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize