I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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