Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
