She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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