he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
