she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Enjoy the penises
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
