i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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