Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
