i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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