I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
