I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
