now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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