I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did I show you my penis last night?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
