I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
