and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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