i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
