you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize