Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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