You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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