Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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