fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
