I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My bed smells like the plague
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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