now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
