i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
