peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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