i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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