Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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