haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
