dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
