you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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