Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
